non loqui sed facere

Last week I was riding home from work on the bus when I had the opportunity to overhear a conversation between a young man and young woman behind me. Amazingly, as dense as I am about such matters, it was obviously to me within the first couple of minutes that this young man was trying to pick up his seat mate. The reason for this post is the part of this exchange that made me cringe.

What I want to do is give my female readers a brief glimpse into the male mind, as scary as that might be.
During the bus ride I heard the young man ask the woman out. But, the woman was not interested so she turned him down. The problem is that she did not stop at "I'm sorry, but no." She added that most dreaded coda "But you're a very nice guy." I nearly twitched I heard that.

Let me tell you why this is such a bad thing. Women need to keep in mind that men are far simpler than you give them credit for. Have you ever wondered why there are so few 'nice guys' out there? Part of the problem is the simple Pavlovian response to being consistently told "you're such a nice guy" but not getting anywhere. Eventually, the guys stop being so nice. Why do I say this? Because the whole 'you're a nice guy' routine just messes with a guy's mind.

Here is my advice: It does not matter whether or not you believe that the guy is nice, never mention the world nice or any synonym of nice. In fact, if you are going to turn a man down, say 'no', maybe say 'I'm not interested', but whatever you do stop there. You do not have to explain yourself, justify yourself, or even soften the blow. Be quick and be done. If you feel the urge to say "nice", stop and shut up. Maybe some soul will be saved by this action.